Mammy

Today would have been my grandmother's 94th birthday.  You might remember that she passed away just four days after we got back to the states last year on our last furlough.  If you didn't read our blog at that time then you can click here to read what she meant to us.

We were incredibly blessed to be able to see her, talk with her, hold her hand, give her a hug and a kiss and tell her how much we loved her before she went to heaven.  We feel like she was waiting for us to get back from Brasil before she said goodbye.  Benay and I and our kids were so blessed and it's something very special to us that our kids were able to be with her one last time as well.  We won't ever forget that time together.

Mammy was the only great grandparent that our kids have ever known.  My dad's parents died in a car accident when I was 9.  Mammy's husband died when I was 23.  Three of Benay's grandparents died either before our kids were born, or after they were born but were too young to remember.  Mammy was the only great grandparent that our kids got to see a lot.  She was able to be with and play with all of our kids since they were newborns, except for Giovanni.   Benay and I can't tell you what kind of a blessing that is for us.

Mammy was a blessing to all of her kids and grandkids.

We miss her on this day and would love to be able to spend some more time with her again but we aren't too sad because we know where she is and we know she wouldn't trade that for anything.  She's home and we know we will see her again soon. I think sometimes about the two babies that Benay and I have lost and how, in my mind's eye, Mammy and our other grandparents that have gone to heaven, are with them now as they look forward to the rest of us being with them some day.  Very cool.

It's a special birthday today and so, as is our tradition, we asked all family members to share something about Mammy.

Giovanni:  "For Benay and myself we are happy to know that our youngest son will get to meet Mammy  someday."

Anderson:  "I LOVED her chocolate cake that was really good!"

Carys:  "I loved it when she let me hide behind her chair in her room and eat candy so nobody would know.  She was really nice, funny and she was the only great-grandmother I ever had and I'm glad I got to see her before she died.  I really love her."

Garrett:  "I loved everything about her.  I miss her.  I still love her.  I'm glad we got to see her one last time before she died."

Ansley:  "I really miss her.  She was really, really fun.  She was really sweet and she was a good cook. I love her and I hope she's having fun in heaven."

Bronwyn (from Rwanda): "I love her so much. She made me laugh and laughed at herself too. I'm so glad we got to say goodbye to her. When we went to visit her, she told Dad that I wasn't a dork. I can't wait to see her again."

Benay:  "She treated me like a granddaughter and I loved her like a real grandmother. I loved spending time with her and I can't wait to be with her again one day."

Me:  "My brain is flooded with all kinds of great memories from my childhood and going to be with her and my granddad at their house in middle Tennessee.  We always had fun in their little town. She always had good food waiting, she always welcomed anyone into her home and she always seemed to be in a good mood.  Benay and I are blessed that our kids got to know, really know, a great grandparent.  That five of our six kids got to know her and can remember all kinds of different things they did with her is a real blessing to us.  She lived an incredible life and we were blessed to be a part of it.  I too, can't wait to be with her again one day."

Happy Birthday Mammy!

Six Senses

God is pretty cool.  The senses that He gave us are pretty incredible if you think about it  

I did a little research about our senses.  Most people think there are 5.  Or if there is a sixth one it has to do with seeing dead people. 

Smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight.  But there is another one that has to deal with the inner ear and how it senses our body's orientation in space.  

Like I said.....cool. 

Why in the world am I sharing all of that here today?

Last week I got to see how our senses triggered some good memories. 

If you've followed our blog for any length of time then you know that my grandmother passed away 4 days after our family got back to the states in September.  We called her Mammy.  You can read about that here.

It was an incredible blessing for us to get to see her one more time.  To hold her hand, to kiss her, to hug her and to let our kids be with her before she died. Them being with her is something I will never forget and I'm sure they won't either.  My family feels like she literally held on just long enough for us to get back to the states before she said goodbye and went to be with the Lord.  Amazing blessing for all of us.  

When it was time to leave the states and come back home, my mom told Benay that she could take some of Mammy's clothes back to a person who might need them in Brazil.  Benay picked out a few things to bring back, and was looking at them last week.

Here is where the senses come in.  

Garrett held the clothes, smelled them, said they smelled like Mammy and asked if Benay and Bronwyn could make him a pillow out of it.  

Later I came into the den and Bronwyn was holding the clothes up to her nose, breathing deeply and smiling.  She then began to tear up.  

The next day Carys came into the room and excitedly announced that she found one of Mammy's hairs on the clothes.  Before we knew it the hair had a new home in Carys's room inside of a ziplock bag.  

We are not sad that Mammy is gone.  Sure we would love for her to still be with us but that is our selfish nature talking. We know where she is and we are so happy about that.  She would never trade where she is now to come back and be here.  Heaven is that cool.  Faith. 

Even knowing all of that, we miss her.  

I am amazed at how the senses work.   That a piece of cloth could touch our senses that way and make us feel like, in some way, Mammy is with us.  That's just amazing if you think about it.  

The day after the clothes were pulled out, we were cleaning our room and found a letter from Mammy that she had written to Benay and myself one Christmas after we moved to Brasil. Coincidence?  I don't believe in them. 

I think that maybe one of God's purposes for the senses is to use them to do what they did for us and for our kids last week.  It's like He just overloaded our senses with Mammy and brought her into our house for a little bit and we thank Him for that.   

Mammy's Funeral

Last Wednesday we had a memorial service for Mammy in Memphis. She was from middle Tennessee but for the last 15 years of her life she lived with my parents in Memphis.

It was a great testimony to her life to see how many people were there. It was pretty amazing. Many people loved her.

The next day we drove to middle Tennessee for her funeral.

It was both a time to say goodbye as well as a celebration of her life. There were songs at her funeral and we had a time of sharing. Many of her grandkids got up and shared what Mammy meant to them. There were tears and laughs as we shared stories. It was a special time.

We were able to see cousins that we had not seen in almost 20 years. It was great seeing everyone and we even talked of starting some kind of yearly or every two year family reunion. We all agreed that we didn't want to wait 20 more years before we saw each other again.

We forget sometimes that our kids aren't used to American ways of doing things in many situations. I guess I just assume, since I spent 30+ years in the states, that my kids would just automatically know the American customs with funerals. I was reminded last week that they did not. Some of the things they said or did were funny and some of the things that they saw just intrigued them.

My mom and dad took Bronwyn, Garrett and Carys to the funeral. They left a lot earlier than the rest of us did. By the time we got to the funeral Bronwyn relayed a story to us that had happened when their group arrived. They got out of the car and saw this:Our oldest son said, "Sweet......a limo!"

We don't have anything like a hearse in Brasil and he had never been to an American funeral so naturally he thought it was a limo. Bronwyn said she kind of whispered an apology to my parents but they both kind of chuckled and said it was okay. They understood that there was no way for him to have known what it was.

Another thing we don't have in our city are big open field cemeteries. You would never see the following picture in our city at a funeral. You can go here to read about our teammate Jennifer's first experience with a Brasilian funeral. It's much different than American funerals.

So, even the idea of digging a hole, lowering the casket and then filling the hole back up was intriguing to our kids. They had never seen anything like that. We took this picture because Carys literally stayed in this position watching the men until they finished filling the hole. The funeral ended with my cousin's husband playing Amazing Grace on the bag pipes. It was a great ending to a celebration of Mammy's life.

Mammy

I haven't been around death that much in my family. Benay and I have been blessed to still have both of our parents and they are all in good health. Our brothers sisters, nieces and nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins are all alive.

My dad's parents were killed in a car wreck over 30 years ago. I was 9 then and can still remember them but only bits and pieces because of the short amount time I spent with them.

My mom's father passed away almost 20 years ago. Because of the fact that I was able to have a few more years with him and be able to see him more it really was tough when he died. I can remember my dad walking with me outside the funeral home as I just wept like a baby.

I wish I could have had that closeness with my dad's parents but, as you all know, life doesn't always work out like we plan.

My mom's mom lived by herself for a while and then she moved in with my parents around 15 years ago.

We called her "Grandma" until my sister and Benay and I had kids. Somewhere along the way our kids changed her name to "Mammy."

I got a call last night around 11:00 from my dad telling me that Mammy had gone to heaven.

Mammy was 93 and had an amazing life. I might share some things (photos, cool things) about her in the future. I would like for you to see this woman and not just read about her.

For now, I ask that you especially pray for my mom, her sister and her brother in the loss of their mom.

We have all been blessed to have so many years with such a Godly woman.

A few years ago my dad had open heart surgery. We got the call in Brasil that it would happen the following day. I immediately went to the airport to catch a flight to the states and was told that the last flight out just left. I was depressed to find out that I would have to wait until the next day. We then got a call that they moved the surgery back one day. A Christian brother of mine, who travels frequently, hooked me up with his travel agent in the airport. I got the quickest flight out to the states and was even able to go with my brother on the same flight to the states. I knew that I would miss seeing my dad before his surgery but hoped to be there when he got out.

When I got off the plane I was told that my dad's surgery was moved back again. I was able to get to the hospital, give my dad a hug, be with my family and pray together before he went into the surgery.

To this day I believe that God allowed all of that to happen so that I could be with my dad and family before the big surgery.

Why do I share that? I feel like God did it again with Mammy.

We were scheduled to come back to the states in December instead of now. About six weeks ago we decided to change our trip to September.

We arrived in Memphis last Thursday. Benay got to be with Mammy on Thursday. I waited until Friday to go because I had a little cold. Mammy looked very different. She had lost a lot of weight and she wasn't clear on everything but she knew who we were.

On Sunday my mom, dad and I took Bronwyn, Ansley, Garrett, Carys and Anderson to see Mammy. She smiled when she saw the kids. She could not stop holding Anderson's hand. She wanted to kiss Garrett and she joked a little bit with Bronwyn. It was important for me to allow our kids to say goodbye and for Mammy to get to see her great grandkids one more time. I want our kids to not be afraid of death. As Christians, I want them to always be reminded that death is not the victory and we should not be afraid of it.

God blessed us with just enough time to say our goodbyes to Mammy. It was a time that none of us will forget.

I spoke to my dad later and he told me that he could see a peace wash over Mammy after talking to our kids. Almost like she was waiting to see them before she moved on to be with Jesus.

Six years ago former NFL quarterback, Trent Dilfer, lost his 5 year old son to heart disease. I couldn't think of anything more painful than to lose a child. Especially at such a young age. What impressed me about Trent Dilfer was his faithful comment right after his son's death. He said, ".......we are comforted in knowing that as a child of God he has returned to his maker. We grieve, but not as those without hope.''

We are, obviously, grieving the loss of Mammy but we know we will be with her again in heaven.

I thank God for what Mammy has meant and will always mean to my family.